Tuesday 22 June 2010

Camden Sal

Painted over photographs in Photoshop

Monday 21 June 2010

Train lady

Another pic from the sketch book. Again, drawn with ink coloured with Photoshop.

For flock sake

Drawn in ink coloured in photoshop with added flock wallpaper.

Friday 18 June 2010

Stipe Triptych 101




Drawn in pen coloured and edited in photoshop



Thursday 17 June 2010

Self portrait



Painted in photoshop. It's a naughty image but I like the technique.

drag drags


Drawn with ink coloured with photoshop.

Friday 21 May 2010

Random art stuff

I've been a bit slack on the updates...here's a couple of bits o' art I've done of late...








Tuesday 13 April 2010

Beer Fest '10


Had a great time in Norfolk at the MatthewHart Beer festival 2010. 30 odd people who had brewed their own beer and/or other dangerous alcoholic approximations arrived at the wonderful Whitwell Hall. Myself and Sal did really well on the just above average stakes by coming second in the best non-beer beer category with the above Raspberry Ripper. Second in the best beer commercial and a personal triumph for me...second most voluminous head!

Tuesday 30 March 2010

Coyote Sons

OK...Continuing with what seems to be my current penchant for dog-type-animal based band names...this is a bit of art for a new Canadian band called Coyote Sons...they're still putting together myspaces and websites etc at the moment so there's no links at the moment but the've got art at least!

Saturday 27 March 2010

Wolfbane


This is some artwork I've done for a new London based duo called Wolfbane (not to be confused with the ageing rock band Wolfsbane). Made up of Neil Barrett and Fergus Brignall they're doing some dirty electro stuff which you can hear, follow and read about at the following places: Myspace, Facebook, Twitter and Soundcloud. They name their influences as Nick Thayer, Jack Beats, Felguk, Neelix, Afrojack and Lazy Rich.
Go, fly my pretties, and listen...

Saturday 13 March 2010

Marg.

I once went out with a girl called Marg.
It was short for Margarine - quite apt as her face had a yellow tinge and was soft and pliable like butter, or some other non-specific vegetable spread.
She would often talk to me whilst sitting on the counter in the kitchen as she smeared jam over herself. After a while she would fall off, landing face side down.
Soon this had happened quite a few times and I felt I had no choice but to leave her, which was a shame because she was quite pretty before.


Tuesday 9 March 2010

Bone-handed drinker

Here's another pic in which I use this particular fleeting style.

The cup in the picture came from an old gentleman who we met in the Dublin Castle in Camden. He was drinking out of a green goblet style glass that had a skeletal hand as the stem.
He refused to tell us what drink the glass contained and handed out Italian rock magazines to us and a French couple who we were sharing the table with (He wasn't Italian).
I guess he realised how enthralled I was with the glass because when he left the pub he gave it to me. It now sits happily on a table in my living room.

This is myself, The Man and his glass.


Flash 'n' Gurn

Here's a little bit of art stuff I did the other day...Nice.

More Bare Noize avec download


Ok...here's the final copy of the mixtape cover I've done for those Bare Noize lads...Heres's the link to download it...Beware, I've been informed it's dirty!

Friday 5 March 2010

Tim Key

Fans of Charlie Brooker's brilliant Screenwipe and Newswipe shows will be no stranger to this man. I saw his show "Slutcracker" at the Arts Theatre near Leicester Square on Wednesday. Absolutely hilarious. I would recommend to anyone that if you get a chance to see him perform live: Go. Anyway...here's a snippet of the man's genius from an oldish episode of Screenwipe.

Bare Noize


Here's some work in progress for cover art I'm doing...the pic's ok but the text is a bit dodgy at the moment...It's for my mate Ollie who's in a Dubstep production/Writing/DJ-ing group called Bare Noize (Facebook) (Myspace) the mixtape is, as they put it...


Horrible beats purely from the UK & Europe called STRONGER THAN THE DOLLAR.


Release date is due for 13th March...BUY IT!


Short Stories x4

Ok here's a couple of short stories I wrote a while back....

1.
*The Council Meeting*

"It's no good," He said..."The fax machine is malfunctioning again. We'll have to get a replacement for that but in the meantime I have several letters from ardent fans, supporting the increase in tax upon pirates and pirate-based products eg..wooden legs, parrots, eye patches etc...but hardly any about crime based stalkers...this really is a disgrace! How can anybody be expected to run a council under these sort of conditions?" There was no answer and the silence caused the mayor to look up in surprise. It was then he realised there was no council and far from being a mayor he was, in fact, a large, wet, man standing naked in his bath and wearing a string of onions around his neck. These were not the gold chains of office he had been expecting and the council members he had previously been berating were just, it seemed, empty and discarded bottles of Jagermeister

"Oh shit" he said "Not again!"

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2.
*Pizza?*

"Ding dong," went the doorbell. Not because it was stupid, just that it hadn't been taught how to say anything else.

No answer.

"Ding Dong".

The doorbell chimed again and a head rose up from behind the cardboard fort in the living room. The head was wearing a tricorner hat at a slightly dishevelled angle and it was placed upon the neck of a man who, from outward appearance at least, seemed to be a days-gone-by style navel officer.

"Who is it?" the man shouted toward his front door "Friend or foe?"

"Pizza delivery" came the reply

"Prove it!" Called the man whilst picking up a dirty blue flag, apparently made from a stick and an old t-shirt, upon which had been crudely written in felt tip pen 'The winners' as he edged closer to the door.

"Look mate it's Dominos pizza, you ordered a ham and pineapple with no ham and no pineapple forty minutes ago. Now do you want it or not?"

"Just post it through the letterbox and I'll slip you the money under the door."

"Look, I can't do that," said the deliveryman who was somewhat confused. "How do I know you'll give me the money?"

The man who had nervously sidled up to the door by this point was muttering to himself and a cold sweat was running down his forehead "Bloody pirates...they think of everything," he whimpered to himself. "Can't trust them as far as you can throw them." Reaching out with the stick end of the flag he lifted up the flap to his letterbox and peered out, a wild look in his eyes. Through the narrow slot in the door he saw the deliveryman dressed in a blue jumpsuit and motorcycle helmet. "Oh God!" he screamed, "It's a Spaceman! Look just take my money!" he cried fumbling for his brown leather wallet and feverously shoving it through the letterbox, "just don't give me an anal probe!"

The delivery driver shook his head then placed the warm pizza box on the doorstep and took the relevant money from the wallet before posting it back through the letter box startling the man who dove for cover in his cardboard fort.

Sometime later, after the man had made sure that there were neither pirates nor spacemen outside his door, he stood, in the shower, eating cold pizza as the water rained down upon him. "Damn this weather." he said to no one in particular "This will make the attack on those bloody foreigners all the more difficult." From the flat upstairs was coming the dull thud of careless neighbours who play their stereo too loud and the man shook a fist in their direction. "Blast their merry making to hell!" he cried, chewing on another slice of pizza as the shower lashed down upon him, "They shall not be so happy come tonight methinks. Viva le winners! He shouted, punching an arm into the air and laughing heartily.

Night had fallen and an old forty watt bulb, dusty, bereft of lampshade and hanging at a jaunty angle, dimly lit both the hallway and the dark brown wood of the stairs whilst in the gloom lurked the man, resplendent in uniform but beard wild and speckled with carelessly dribbled garlic and herb dip. In one hand was the flag and in the other, a trumpet with a navy blue sash. He clutched them tight against his chest as he sneaked along the hallway, his back to the wall, moving stealthily from his front door toward the stairwell. As he reached the stairs he gazed upwards at the door that marked the pinnacle of his climb and thought of the great honours he would receive if he managed to complete this mission. They will build statues of me, he thought, and compose great songs of exaltation to my bravery. He gradually began his climb, whilst in the hallway a grandfather clock ticked monotonously onward and registered the time of two-thirty in the morning upon it's face. The man reached the door at the top of the stairs and whispered to himself, "This is a great thing I do today," before raising the trumpet to his lips and blasting out 'When the saints come marching in'.

In the dark still of the night the brassy tones echoed and rang out at seemingly doubled volume and behind the door a commotion of startled voices buzzed about as light switches were feverishly groped for and groggily flicked on. The door swung open and a bleary eyed, bed-headed man in a dressing gown stood and stared in disbelief at the sight that befell him, whilst behind him craned the anxious face of his partner.

"Just what the bloody hell do you think you're doing!? He shouted with the croaky and bewildered anger that only the unexpected and unwelcome waking from sleep can bring.

The man lowered the trumpet from his lips and called out in a proud and commanding voice, "I claim this place in the name of the King and banish all evil doers from this land!"

"Like bloody hell you do!" the owner of the flat retorted and called out to his wife "Maureen. Call the police!"

"Your puny law enforcement officers are no match for the might of 'The Winners'" the man crowed triumphantly whilst waving his flag in the face of the apartment owner. "Give up now and your lives shall be spared."

He once again started to play, the music blasting through the hallway as he marched victoriously on the spot, one hand playing the trumpet, the other waving his flag.

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3.
*The Interview*

"So...what was it that attracted you to the position of Green Power Ranger in the first place?" Asked the huge computerised head that was holding the job interview.

"Well...I'm quite excited by the prospect of riding in a giant mechanised Robot" I replied "Also, I have experience in wearing green uniforms from my time working in a garden centre...which I think will help me a lot."

"No doubt" the interviewer agreed "but let me ask you...have you any experience in fighting repetitive battles against mildly comical aliens?"

"Not exactly" I said "but I'm a very quick learner...for example when I worked at a popular DIY store I learnt how to use the paint mixing machine...and I was very good on the tills..."

"Hmmm" said the mechanical head as he considered this information ""Do you have any supervisory experience? As Green Power Ranger you will be expected to lead a team of overly considerate and crazily wholesome twenty-somethings who believe they are high school students in various battles to save the world, so any managerial positions you have held would certainly be a bonus."

"I worked on the customer service desk once..." I replied,uncertain if this would be enough to swing the job in my favour

"I'm not sure if that's what we're looking for I'm afraid" The computerised head told me "However, we still have a few other candidates to see, so if none of them reach up to your standards..."

"Yeah I understand" I replied forlornly "I am very punctual" I added

"We'll be sure to take that into account" said the giant head "If it doesn't happen for you, the position of Red Ranger is opening in about six months, the current employee is going on paternity leave"

"I was hoping to find something a bit sooner than that" I replied, somewhat dejected.

"I know they're looking for people at the sandwich shop down the road" The massive head said, trying to be helpful

"Yeah, maybe I'll ask for an application form." I said,
"Thanks for your time anyway"

"No problem" replied the Giant head "good luck with finding something"

"Cheers" I replied before stepping outside for a cigarette. I lit up and walked down the road. "I probably would have hated the stupid job anyway" I thought to myself and headed off toward the sandwich shop.

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4.
*How the driver wins...*

The smell of fallen autumn leaves permeated throughout the morning air, although I suppose that they were technically spring leaves that just had the misfortune to die in autumn. A cling-film-slick layer of water covered the pavements whilst, like lace curtains, a fine mist hung from the left over remnants of day-break fog and spray thrown up from passing work-bound cars.

At a bus stop, a man wearing a brown coat and a Monday morning expression, stood frustratedly flicking at a lighter that refused to spark, whilst quietly swearing to himself and the inanimate object in his hand.

"C'mon you bastard." He moaned at the lighter, "Just give me one bloody time. Just one you bugger". The lighter was presumably a submissive beast and at this grumpy tirade of abuse let loose an orange lick of flame in an ecstasy of kinky heat. The man put the tip of the cigarette to the flame and drawing deeply, mirrored the lighters satisfied release whilst a smile spread across his face as he inhaled his first deep drag of the day. He had given up smoking two weeks ago now (or a fortnight if you prefer) and it was going well other than the cigarettes he seemed to keep buying. He took his second drag before spotting the bus, complete with it's vicious no smoking signs, coming up the road. "Bloody typical." He muttered in disgust and violently started to pull at the filter, trying to inhale the whole thing as fast as possible in some kind of bitter race with inevitability. The bus sidled up to him in a goading manner and the doors opened with a slow hiss. In defeat the man took one last drag and threw his half finished joy down into a muddy puddle at the edge of the kerb before stepping onto the accursed vehicle which rumbled and shook in a victory laugh, taunting the man by belching out it's own thick smoke.

"Five pounds please," said the driver.

"Pardon?" replied the man, still caught up in his tobacco-based disappointment.

"Five pounds please," the driver replied matter-of-factly.

"But I haven't told you where I'm going yet" said the man, somewhat confused.

"Oh I know sir. Five pounds please."

"What are you talking about?" The frustrated man retorted. "It only costs one pound sixty to get to where I want to go!"

"But you can go as far as you like for five pounds sir" The driver replied "It's very reasonable I think."

The man's face began to flush red with anger and he waved a finger of annoyance at the driver "Now look here!" he began angrily "I don't know what it is you're playing at but I only want to go two stops and that costs one pound sixty! I take this journey every day and it always costs me one pound sixty! There is no way I'm paying five pounds and that's final!"

The man stood glaring at the driver who calmly said "Well that's your choice sir but I will have to ask you to please tone down your behaviour as you're upsetting the other passengers."

The man looked at the rows of vacant seats, down the empty bus and then quizzically at the driver. "You're insane! This bus is empty, I wouldn't travel with you even if you paid me!"

"But that's not how it works sir," explained the driver to the exasperated man, "You pay me."

Thursday 4 March 2010

About...Music

Ok this is just some links so you can look and hear some stuff I do. I'm going to be lazy over the next few entries by putting up some older stuff and then I'll get onto what I'm doing at the moment.


This is some of the music I have made/recorded badly on my own...
www.myspace.com/daydreamparade


...as is this.


This is my band Broadwater. The stuff on this page is nearly all Dave Mackie solo stuff at the moment but we'll be putting some full band recordings up very soon. I do play lead guitar on the track Elvis Cake though...


I also have some electronic kraut music here...


...and here's a couple of songs I did with my beautiful girlfriend, Sal.